Bucket list distraction

Do you have a bucket list?

While trying to create my bucket list, I got distracted, got distracted again, and got distracted once more. Finally, I sat and made myself write, but I ended up with a short essay on death and a realization instead. My mind was getting stuck on the motivation behind the list. Appreciate the life I have, right? Appreciate it by living life to the fullest because I will, absolutely, undeniably, die. This thought is sticky, hard to get past.

When I read my essay, I was happy because I'm writing creative nonfiction again, and I haven't touched the genre for a long time, but I wasn't going to leave it at that. I had to try again. I researched online bucket lists, found an anti-bucket list even, and I realized I didn't have to put so much pressure on myself to get the right things on there. This list is not a sentence. I decided to just find some cool things I wouldn't mind doing and list those. Here's what I came up with:

Learn and memorize a dozen really funny jokes
Visit the Tunnels of Light in Japan
Go on a writing retreat outside of the US
Write a book that calls attention to Toledo, Ohio
Learn enough Spanish to hold a conversation; same for French
Read a book in Spanish (any suggestions?)
Read a book in French (any suggestions?)
Zipline over the San Diego Zoo Animal Park
Read the 150 or so books I have on my to-read list, beginning with the classics because I haven't read enough of those
Run a 10K as an adult
Continue to teach, in some capacity, forever
Help, in some real way, a young woman who went through similar obstacles as I did
Live outside of the US for at least six months
Write a book that will change its reader
Dress up as Tina Turner and sing "Simply the Best" (I'm doing this tomorrow, so I thought I'd cheat and put it on the list so I have something to cross out tomorrow.)
Stop being hard on myself, but not completely
Find people who will play chess with me
Read more poetry
Learn to implement all the neat relaxation techniques I know
Be more supportive of friends
Laugh more--laugh at myself more
Work on my dog training skills

This list is nowhere near complete, but it's a start. If you do have a list of your own, por favor comparta.

Wish List

I've been reaching for a lot lately, and my goals seem to be a little steeper than I thought they were. They are not out of reach, but I need to find a damn ladder or step stool. That said, I've been daydreaming a lot this week and reading news and writing odd little stories in between these pesky migraines. And in this dreamy head space, I have been wishing for a lot. One thing I know true for myself is, wishes don't come true. Wishes must be reigned in, restructured into goals, and then steps are made toward said goals.

But there are also those longings that aren't goals and can't be, at least not for me. These longings are destined to remain wishes and longings. But, as Audre Lorde said (my favorite quote of all time here, people), "I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood." 

So, I thought, why not share my wish list?  

I wish....

people were less hypocritical

wheatgrass tasted better

smart, empathetic people had as much drive as smart, narcissistic people

sugar didn't taste so damn good

cancer would go the fuck away (I truly believe scientists are on the verge of finding the magic potion. I just wish it'd happen now.)

scars weren't attached to such sad memories

joints were less fragile

redheads could go out in the sun

vegetables didn't spoil so quickly

every person who ever called or thought of him or herself as a story writer subscribed to at least two literary journals

cellphone contracts weren't so evil

women who fight for what they believe in would no longer be called a. bitches or b. sensitive/emotional 

who you know/are related to counted less than who you are

people in my apartment complex wouldn't feed the deer (that then congregate around us and run back and forth across the major road in front of our apartments)

there was less pressure for everyone to be everything all the time

there was true quiet, every now and then

Drama
Image: Christopher J. Shanahan

retirement wasn't a luxury in the U.S.

i had more patience 

everyone read novels

everyone read poetry

everyone could read

no one was invisible

caffeine didn't seem so necessary

the common definition of beauty became authenticity instead of the opposite

i could accept things the way they are

Somehow, just by putting them to paper, I feel a little more grounded. Funny how that works. If you'd like, share your wishes with me. I'd love to hear them.

I'll post literary news next week.