Friday, December 4, 2009

HOW TO BE PERFECT ...and live forever

(the EXTENDED version)

Purchase the following:
grape seed extract, acai extract, omega 3-6-9 and a multi-vitamin. Eat only whole foods, foods that are preferably locally grown and in-season. Don't drink, don't smoke, do not eat anything with refined sugars or artificial sweeteners. Consume exactly 64 ounces of liquids each day for every 120lbs you weigh (do the math yourself).

Exercise four times a week, varying the routine. Incorporate at least twenty minutes of cardio during each workout. Do not attempt the same repetitive exercise in excess, it will cause joint strain and end up backfiring in later years. Use weights in repetitions of at least four. The last set should cause your arms or legs to shake, otherwise, you are wasting your time.

Stretch. Do yoga. Knit.

Purchase only natural deodorant, shampoo, soap and cleaning supplies, and when you purchase them, please use your recyclable bags so as not to harm the enviornment.

Live in Wyoming, but travel at least once a year. Drink only distilled water and try to restrict direct sun exposure to >30 minutes in any one day [it is also advised that a person avoid sunscreens and sunblocks - they are not safe].

Sleep when you are tired. Get a pet, meditate, befriend only positive people, love yourself. Shut off your cellphone and spend more time with your family and/or spouse. Try to have (safe) sex at least twice a week.

Restrict Twitter use

Get sick at least once a year, to keep immunity up. Wash your hands after you use a public restroom, but restrict hand-washing to less than a dozen times each day. Do not use chapstick.

Oh, and buy my book: MUSICAL CHAIRS

If the above is not reasonable, please see Religion and Philosophy; Rows 13-51.


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