Tranquil energy

It is just now 10 a.m. I have no fiction to share this week, and even though I should be working, I feel compelled to post about my day so far.

I did something that I wasn't sure I could do this morning--I meditated for 2 straight hours. It was a group meditation that began at 4:30 a.m. and ended with grounding in the form of tea and cookies after 6:30 a.m. I have never meditated longer than 30 minutes, and usually I only do so for about 10 minutes. It's funny, but I could have sworn the 2 hours went by quickly. When we were done, I thought there was an hour to go. I suppose maybe I lost time somewhere inside my mind. Though my legs fell asleep and I had to readjust a few times, I believe I was never that uncomfortable.

If you know me, staying still for a movie or show is hard enough. When I started meditating, I had quite a bit of trouble with it, and I don't make a habit of meditating in groups. I've always felt it a personal thing. But, it was really nourishing today. When meditating this long, it seems similar to sleep. To me, it was almost as though I were in REM sleep only able to monitor it, watch it happen. I have a sizable question on my mind right now, and I found myself thinking that through without agonizing over it. I am still unsure about my answer, but I don't feel the anxiety surrounding it as much. To sum up, I recommend meditating for 2 straight hours. I doubt I'll do it again for a while, but sometimes during transitional periods, I can see it being almost necessary in my life.

So, my life being the comedy it is, my stoicism was later tested. As I walked my puppy around the 2.2 mile loop near our apartment, I felt fantastic. I felt energetic and calm, and the weather was perfect. Just as we were nearing the end of the loop, however, a large naked man caught my eye. There is a trail that divides the park so that if you only want to walk a mile or mile and a half, you can cut through. It was just as I was looking down that path that I saw the man. I happened to be speaking to my mother when I saw him, so I said, "Mom, there's a naked man in the park." I added that I'd have to call her back. The naked man bent down and slowly grabbed  his clothes after another person walked by. We shook our head back and forth as we passed each other. The naked man walked off, in the general direction of my apartment, so I asked my husband to come out. It is not due to meditation that I was not very upset by the sight of a naked man--nakedness is no big deal to me--but it did kind of bring me back to reality in a way I doubt much else could.

When I see people who have these sorts of obsessions/compulsions (which usually are not violent or correlated with rape), I feel really badly for them as well as the younger people who happen upon the sight of them. When I was studying psychology, I learned that sexual deviance is one of the easiest things to treat with talk therapy--it's a pretty straightforward reprogramming that needs done--but sadly, people rarely seek help unless forced into it. I am reporting this guy because I know there have been previous sightings in our neighborhood of him, and I do hope he gets help. I guess this is compassion.

I plan to write, if only for 20 minutes or so, after this blog. And as I began to reflect on my meditation, I realized just how much it is like writing and writing is like meditation. Writing is about examining the questions, such as: why do people do what they do? Here's to finding out and being comfortable with what I don't need to know... Here's to wishing that others figure it out, too...

Have a great week, all. Stay clothed.

Meditating, a year later

I used to think it ironic that meditate has the word edit in it. In a way, it seems as though editing is the antithesis of peace and peace is the goal meditation. But, I'm finding the act of meditation is not a direct path to peace but one of self examination which, much like in creative writing, can lead to new realizations.

Dog walk shot VI, 2013

I've been meditating for about a year now, and the process of my practice has changed. Recently, I realized that the sitting still, breathing and repeating a simple mantra distances me from the more bothersome thoughts a little quicker than it used to. I usually have just enough time to sit for about 15 minutes a day. When I began, I thought 40 minutes a day was necessary given my levels of stress, but I'm a little more realistic now. I think this 15 minutes a day is perfect because I don't see it as another thing I need to work into my schedule (another form of stress) or as a means to an end. I simply see it as part of my life, and if I miss a day it's no big deal.

One thing I've noticed changing is that as I observe my thoughts now, and I see them in shapes. For instance, when I'm really nervous about something it seems the source of that nervousness is replayed in my head on rapid-cycle whereas when I'm upset, I can visualize the thought itself, the source, in solid but jagged lines as though in an angular and bold font. Either way, the study of thoughts become abstract and less immediate. This awareness is distance from reactive cycles, and distance is perspective, which is peaceful.

I've been extremely busy and stressed lately, and these moments of peace have been like coming home. And sometimes, in the midst of a stressful or overextended feeling, I remember that home. So a year in: I think meditation is truly valuable in my world. Thought I'd share in case you read my Every since I started meditating post on how I thought meditation may have been putting me in a bad mood. I still think it was. Maybe a person needs to get closer to the less pleasant thoughts before she can stand back again and really look at them. Stressed, yes, and busy, yes: I still am. But, with a little more perspective, I realize that I can let it all go when I need to.

Writing is another form of meditation I have a longer history with, and I haven't posted much writing news lately. I will soon. I have a new interview on my writing process at Awkword Paper Cut (my husband did the image that accompanies my answer), and I received two acceptances recently, one from A-Minor and one from apt. I have quite a few short works coming out, and I look forward to sharing them.

Have a beautiful, peaceful week. -Jen

Ever since I started meditating

...more often I've found myself in a really bad mood. Is that common? I've read about a "clearing" stage, but I've been meditating twice a day for two weeks (quite the jump from the occasional cross-legged try here and there), and I noticed it a little the first week but in the last week I've just been snappy. Perhaps it's unrelated, a coincidence, but it's interesting nonetheless.

Despite my bad mood, I have found solace in my readings. I've read some crazy-good work for PANK this week, and I'm judging Otterbein's Quiz & Quill awards this year, and I'm thrilled for these future grads. There are some names in this submission pile that I'll be looking out for. Anyway, my other reason for posting mid-week is: I think this is the coolest thing ever, and I wanted to show off. I have a QR code for my website! I tested it out on my phone, and it works. How awesome! Now I just need to covertly post this everywhere. Perhaps a future in tagging?

I'll try to write a short post this weekend, but in case I don't I'll be checking in. This is it! The big trip! At the end of the week, I will be entering the writing zone.  

Adrenaline

Cracks the stem,

removes breath

in waves of red,

nerves unpinch.

The cherry breaks

concrete thought,

loosens the band,

releases grip.

And so I attempt poetry again (don't laugh). As the tendon in my hand and wrist slowly heals (yes, it's a long, long journey), I've been going to great lengths to assist the natural process that will restore strength, and I wanted to share what's been working for me. Adrenaline, when focused properly helps, as does diet and meditation.

The first thing I've been doing is focusing my breath. One exercise I've found especially useful is the sixty second breath in which I sit comfortably and inhale slowly for twenty seconds, hold for twenty seconds, then exhale for twenty seconds. This exercise is a meditation in of itself.

I have also been  taking a variety of herbal and vitamin supplements that are said to help strengthen the tendons or reduce inflamation:

Tumeric

Cardamom

Glucosomine and Chondroitin

Vitamin B Complex

More: I've eliminated artifical sweeteners from my diet which is harder than it sounds because food manufacturing companies sneak Splenda and the like into a lot of products so that they can market processed foods as "healthy alternatives". Anyway, the point of this is that I've gone to great lengths to modify diet, along with a regimen of stretching, hand exercises, and ice/heat treatments. And, I've read that artificial sweeteners can actually build up in the joints. I don't want to take any chances.

I'm not sure which or if it all has helped, but, for what it's worth, the combination has done the trick. I'm on the mend. In fact, I'll be writing like a mad woman again soon. One thing I've learned about pain, in the meantime, is that it can be trumped. I've learned to see pain as a sort of blockage that can be loosened with perseverence and, more, patience. 

laugh it off

There is nothing as torturous to a writer as block. The very word gives me chills. Yet, it happens to all of us after a while. Sitting, staring at a blank page and trying to write, crossing out words or deleting entries, writing a new sentence, crossing it out, looking to your dog for the answer but he just sighs, reading the news for inspiration, but all of it just seems so bleak. The page stays blank.

One way I’ve learned to overcome the block is simply to not write. Ha, not the answer you were looking for I bet. But it’s what works for me. I consider my blocks to be observation periods, periods of reflection and meditation. I often find myself meditating during this time (I meditate myself right to sleep often, but right or wrong, I call it meditation). Recently, I read an interesting passage in a novel by TC Boyle that brought up the physiological difference between a genuine and disingenuous smile. I researched this bit, and found that the muscles that react when a person is genuinely happy cause the wrinkles around the eyes—the over-Botoxed area some folks fret over is, in fact, the portion of the face that betrays genuine joy.

This interesting bit of information led me to read on about how this smile is often born, and to no surprise, a genuine smile often comes as the result of laughter. Gelotology, which is the study of laughter and its impact on the body, suggests that laughter can be both emotionally and physiologically freeing—no surprise there.

Back to writer’s block. It’s OK to have, but the frustration often stems from an inability to move forward, and as the term ‘block’ implies, there is something that needs freed to move beyond it. So from writer’s block to meditation to gelotology, where are you going here, Jen? I’m going to tie it all together, promise. Ready?

After my clicking, researching, reading and satisfying my fit of exponential curiosity, I found an exercise in meditation that was borne from gelotology and is said to free the mind of repetitive thoughts. The exercise I tried is here. To be fair, I don’t think this practice will be a regular occurrence for me, but laughter meditation did seem to loosen something in my mind, something that seemed lodged there for quite a few excruciating days. After laughing disingenuously for a few minutes, I began to find it funny that I was even trying this silliness, which made me laugh genuinely. My dog gave me a wary look (he was the only one around as I conducted this experiment) and this made me laugh further. By the time I was done laughing (ten minutes short of the twenty minutes described in the exercise (I didn’t stretch)), I felt the same exhilaration that I feel after a good workout, and I felt the clarity that comes on those glorious days I wake up, sit down with my coffee and pump out twenty pages in a sitting. Who knew? Thanks Boyle—always dropping those fun little nuggets in your work t hat make me research something I never would have otherwise.